Feeling Guilt For Feeling Whole

Years ago I worked at International Luggage Center in Salt Lake City, Utah. One day I learned a powerful lesson when a man walked through our doors... He had no arms. He asked to see the garment bags. So I took him around the corner to where the garment bags were displayed. He asked if I minded him checking it out. As it was up on the wall, he asked me if I would take it down for him. I took it down and told him to go for it. He maneuvered the garment bag down to the ground and began to work the zippers.
I remember feeling somewhat awkward. I wanted so badly to help him open zippers and such, but something inside my head whispered, "Let him do it, he will have to do it on his own if he owns it."  So, I sat back and watched, waiting for him to ask for help...He never did. I can't even remember exactly how he was able to do all that he did, but I remember he did. When he was finished, he got up off the ground and with a slight quiver in his voice, he looked me in the eye and thanked me. He then proceeded to buy the garment bag.

I wasn't sure what to think of the incident. However, the look on his face told me that he appreciated that I did not judge him as incapable despite his obvious handicap. Unfortunately I am not sure that was a common feeling to him.

The lesson I learned was that I should not judge people for what I think they are incapable of. My own feelings were that I was superior because I was not handicapped. However, I have since realized that this man was far more superior, because he could do things without the advantages I had.

Sometimes we want to help others, and we think we are doing them a favor when in reality we are handicapping them. Sometimes we think we are superior, when we are not. Sometimes we carry within us some guilt for being whole, while we think that others are not, because of their gender, race, religion, mental capacity, or whatever makes them different from us. Sometimes this guilt is manifest in our being repulsed in our ignorance resulting in a prejudice and or discrimination. Other times it results in our being repulsed by our ignorance resulting in reverse discrimination. It isn't until we reconcile our guilt that we are able to treat all men equally.

Some learn to reconcile quickly, others take time, but either way it takes overcoming ignorance, either inwardly or outwardly. Each of us learns differently, but we all have to gain experience the same way... By doing something. Fear can either lead you to the darkness, or motivate you to find the light.

Reporting On Our 30 Day Experiment

Well, one of our boys has made it through the 30 day chart and is moving on to his second chart, by his own suggestion nonetheless. This time he wants to see a movie. I am not sure if it has as strong a pull as his Legos did, but his attitude has  changed so much and he recognizes how much better he feels as well. So, we are calling this experiment a complete success for our one boy.

Our second son has struggled, but he has improved so much that we can not say that it has failed him either. He fights it, but the chart forces him to think about where he is failing even if he doesn't like the change. It has caused us to have many conversations, but communication is good, even if it is frustrating most of the time, because it seems to be the same conversation over and over, but I have confidence that it is going to sink in and when he has his light bulb moment a huge weight is going to be lifted off of all our shoulders and we are going to sing Hallelujahs. He also wants to start a second chart so he can earn a backpack for his scouting.

His biggest problem is that he does not trust adults. I believe this stems from a rough early childhood. Both of our boys were adopted through the state. Our oldest was 18 months which is a very impressionable age. Because of his situation we believe that he went into survival mode. In survival mode his higher level thinking abilities were increased, but his emotional development was delayed. Not to mention his natural tendency to want to be older than he is.
Anyways that is for another post...maybe.

A couple of things we are finding along the way:
First, the key is once the terms are established then we have to become their biggest cheerleader. Motivation is important. Be more concerned about helping them change than punishing them for their bad behavior.

Another thing that I think is important is that we consider each child and their abilities. 30 days may work for us but 10 or 15 days may be better for younger kids, or a particularly hard challenge that our child is looking . Maybe even less to start with. The idea is not to punish them, but to help them change their behavior. Make it long enough to make them stretch, but not so long that they lose their motivation.

We have to look for opportunities to teach and communicate. We have to let them know we are not their to make them miserable. Sometimes it can get frustrating, but it is in communication that we find out either our message hasn't been clear or they really are not understanding what we are saying. We found out that sometimes our children seem to be learning from a different dictionary. The more we are able to talk the better we can decipher what they mean. We must never assume that they know what we are saying and we should never assume that they are too young to understand what we are talking about.


Anyways, I am sure we are going to learn a lot more along the way, but so far this experiment as been an answer to our prayers.

Joy To The World...

Recently we had a young woman sign up for a storage unit. She pretty much opened up to us and told us what was happening with her. She was a drug addict and it was obvious she was pregnant. She told us that she was getting herself ready to enter a recovery program, she was working with her bishop, and that she was ready to grow up.

She told us how much she loved her bishop and how he helped her to feel okay about her situation and the situation that she was bringing her child into. It was obviously not the ideal situation and the child was coming into the world with some potentially big problems. 

She wanted the storage so that she could start saving things up for her little one and to hold on to the few things she owned so she could enter a shelter prior to entering the recovery program. She told us that this was the first grown up thing she had ever done. 

She has stopped in every so often and each time her countenance has gotten brighter. It has been a beautiful thing to watch her as she has cleaned herself up. 

This morning she came in to communicate with us and let us know how things were going as well as pay her bill. She had an older woman with her, part of her support system from her church family. Her baby was in a car seat and covered in a blanket. She told us that she had just come from court where DCFS was reviewing her case, because of her situation they were thinking of taking custody of the child. However, they said that she was doing so well that they did not feel that they needed to take him from her. 

She uncovered her little baby, and I do mean little. Apparently he was born at 5 lbs 12 oz., he was tiny, and he was absolutely beautiful. His complexion was clean and pure and he looked so peaceful. We visited for awhile and as she was getting ready to leave, her and the older woman started to cover the child up in order to keep him warm from the cold. I am not sure what it was that suddenly hit me, but something did and I almost started blubbering like a baby. I say almost, because I kept my composure but inside I was blubbering, and when she left I had tears streaming down my face.

I got back to my desk and I started thinking about why I was so emotionally moved by this experience. I mean the child was beautiful and all, and he reminded me of my own daughter with how clear and peaceful he looked, but that wouldn't have such a powerful and profound effect as to hit me that deeply. I couldn't say what had just happened.

It wasn't until later that I realized what it was. As this young lady accepted help from the older lady there was an innocence about her that was so beautiful. Suddenly, I realized that this young woman who had lived a very rough life, had made many bad decisions, and had suffered many consequences for those decisions had received forgiveness in her heart and had become innocent. 

My heart is so full, and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the atonement. God lives, Jesus is the Christ, and he was born in Bethlehem and died on Calvary all because he loves us, and so that he could take on our guilt that we might be declared innocent before God.

Joy to the World...Yes indeed, and hope, and love, and happiness too... 

The 30 Day Experiment

 A couple of weeks ago I wrote about an idea that we had for disciplining our boys. Every child reacts  different to anything we are going to try, and it shows in our two boys. One has taken quite well to the program and is going to finish up in well under the 30 days. My other boy is really facing some huge internal struggles, but he also is making huge strides despite losing several days. The talks that we have been able to have with both boys has been amazing and in many ways life changing for us and I believe for them.


The frustration level I had gotten to was beyond healthy. I imagine that my blood pressure was well above anything the doctor would approve of, and I was not happy. I felt like I was constantly raising my voice and in a constant state of disciplining. It made me sick.

Our boys are not bad boys, they just have developed bad habits and were stubbornly clinging to some ideas that where not going to bring them happiness in the short run or the long run. Both have anger issues that manifest themselves in different ways. Despite the troubles we have with them, all in all they are great kids.

So, it frustrates us more that we haven't been able to get them to catch on to the idea that work is good for them, and that it is important to both work and play, that work can be fun in its own way.
Another problem we have with one of my boys is being honest. We have struggled to get him to understand that just because he tells the truth sometimes, does not mean that we are going to believe him that time, or any time until he starts telling the truth consistently. We want our boys to contribute to society, and we would rather them be good citizens than our friends, although ideally we don't see why we shouldn't be able to do both.

So, now we are almost three weeks into the experiment and we are about to declare this experiment a success because of the attitude that has been in our home almost immediately.

The key to our success, I believe, has been the fact that we entered into the experiment not with an attitude that we wanted them to fail, but we wanted them to change their attitude. With that in mind we have become their biggest cheerleaders and have been a lot more lenient with them as long as their attitudes are changing. Once one of them hit the half way mark we told them that we were going to make it just a little harder to earn a 2 day prize, but that doesn't seem to have really discouraged them too much, they haven't really put forth the effort to earn the 2 days, but their attitude is still much better.

Along the way we have had several opportunities to talk to the boys and teach them some things that we have been trying to teach them for years. They are starting to understand that we are not their enemies, and that we want them to understand us, which has been half the battle. We found out in our conversations that our oldest thought that we were just speaking gibberish when we started telling him to be aware of his surroundings, not that he ever asked us to explain it. However, now he thinks that he understands what we are talking about and his actions are starting to show that he just might. Another conversation was about living by principles and how to apply one lesson to several situations. These concepts are slowly sinking in one conversation at a time.

Some of our greatest conversations have come as they were in the process of losing a day. It is then that we have been able to talk to them and discuss why they were losing a day. They seem to pay a little closer attention to what they can do to change their behavior.

This experiment has been no less a miracle than the parting of the Red Sea, or maybe more appropriate Christ calming the storm, as the storm clouds in my own head and heart have been calmed.

The Electoral College Could Just Bring Balance To The Force

I believe that the Constitution is an inspired document. The Electoral College is definitely a part of the Constitution, but the wisdom of it has come into question on both sides of the isle as close elections are turned into an attempted to call a victory a mandate not by popular vote but by the perception of the electoral colleges vote percentages.

It is funny how now the elections are over we tend to look for a scapegoat to blame for our loss. A common scapegoat over the past several election cycles seems to be the Electoral College. I am not super familiar with the history of the Electoral College, but I understand that the founding fathers put it in the Constitution and I do believe that it was there for a purpose, though I believe that the way it is applied now is not what they intended.
After this last election I was thinking about how many on both sides feel cheated by the system. States that are dominated by democrats or republicans are easily ignored by both candidates while certain states are given more attention than they should get.
In the mean time, we all realize that there is something very wrong when the popular vote can be so different from the Electoral College vote count. It discourages many from voting because it looks like their vote doesn't even count.
I could not find anywhere in the Constitution where it says that states have to comply to the winner takes all tradition, and it seems to me that it would be in the states interest to change the winner takes all rules.
Just think for a moment if we made it so that states voted for the president along congressional boundaries. Candidates would have to appeal to more than just swing states and city dwellers. Then what if the 2 extra votes per state were appointed by the states themselves. They might be appointed based upon over all popular vote for the state, or by state appointment via the legislature?
State representation might actually force our candidates to focus on more than just social and or popular issues. With potentially 100 votes at stake it might actually require them to address states issues. This would follow the spirit of The Great Compromise and represent us not only as individuals, but as a state as well.
What if the smaller states could band together and create a regional block of votes? This might change the political system all together.
Hmmm...Just something to think about.

Think Radical, Act Moderate, And Educate Along The Way

Think radically, act moderately, and don't worry about who gets credit, then educate, and soon the ship will be turned around. You may choose to act like an iceberg and not moderate, but then you would be no better than the crew who thought the ship was unsinkable.

It is funny, I thought that this principle was a principle for politics, but the other day I got so angry with one of my boys because he throws a fit every time we ask him to do anything that takes him away from his Legos. In my anger I spanked him, and told him to pick up his Legos, and that he was grounded from them for 30 days so that he could learn to enjoy work. 

I was so mad I had to leave to get out of the situation. I felt terrible. I was upset all day. My son had forgiven me, but he was curious as to whether I was serious about the 30 days. I felt there is no way I can back down, but I also felt that I didn't want to follow through with the 30 days. I had a radical thought that I wanted to force him to learn about the importance of working with a good attitude. Now, I was stuck with the consequences myself. 

Through the day I was trying to come up with an idea that would satisfy the 30 days and yet would give them the incentive to change their behavior before they got discouraged and thinking they could never make it. Then the phrase "time off for good behavior" came to mind.  Then I thought to myself, a day without complaints about work was worth more to me than a normal day. So, I decided to make them earn 30 days but they could earn up to 2 days for a really good day. This allowed me to moderate my initial action and give them incentive to be better than just okay without compromising the end goal. 

So we set forth the rules as such:

1) if you get more than 2 warnings you lose a day.

2) if you get 2 or less warnings then you can mark 1 day

3) if you get no warnings and have a great attitude the whole day you can mark 2 days off the chart.

Now, that we have got them into the routine and they are making an effort we, as parents, can sit back and encourage, and educate them, help them to see what they can change so they don't have to lose a day. 

So far it seems to be working better than I thought. We are early on in this experiment, but I can already tell a difference in this approach over other approaches. I believe that it gives them more incentive to change than to stay the same. I can also tell that it is going to take a little more mental effort for one of my boys than it will be for the other. However, I still see a difference in his attitude as well. 

It wasn't until I had set up the rules and had my boy print out his chart that I realized that this program followed the principle of think radical, act moderate, and educate along the way. I am really excited to see the results at the end of this experiment. 

The Role Of The Sentinel

The role of the Sentinel is not to appease and calm your fears. His is to illuminate you to the potential of danger, to heighten your sense of urgency. The sentinel is placed outside of town in a small fortress or a watch tower and their job is to keep their eyes open for the encroaching enemy. They are the key to our being prepared when the enemy enters. These soldiers are not set to tell you everything is okay, they are there to communicate the great dangers that are coming our way.

There was a day when the media use to be this sentinel they would expose corruption and show us where it was emanating from. They would hold people responsible for their actions. They were professional and competent. They asked the hard questions and demand the answers. They were for the most part unbiased, in that if they saw corruption they didn't ask which side it came from, at least that was what their stated goal was.

Somewhere along the way we lost our sentinels, the media lost its ability to stay neutral and our watch towers have been over run by the enemy. There are very few watch towers left, but there are a few. Those who remain are doing everything they can to get your attention, which sometimes can come across as annoying, and obnoxious, and in some cases arrogant, but they have to get our attention so they do what they can, because the enemy is has just passed their towers and is approaching the city parameters.

The job of the media to ask hard questions and to investigate corruption has been taken over by such organizations as The Drudge Report, Breitbart, The Blaze, and other such organizations. These organizations have seen the enemy coming and have tried to warn us. The problem as been that most of us have been taught to watch the towers that have been taken over. We see these others and we feel something is not right, but because of what we are taught we suppose that it is those who are trying to get our attention that are wrong, because our trusted sources are not giving us any reason to suspect anything is wrong. Our sources tell us all is well, all is well...

We cant afford to ignore those who are warning us. Get out of Debt, Get a Food Storage, and Get yourself right with God, because we are about to find out what it means to be in bondage if we don't. If we are prepared we have no reason to fear, but if we are not then fear will do us no good.

Watch for the sentinels signals, and if your watchtower is telling you all is well, then you better take a closer look. I do not like doomsayers, but that is what the sentinels job is they are our first line of defense.

There is a calling for others to calm our nerves as we prepare for battle, but we can not overlook the role of the sentinel without grave consequences. 

Marriage Is About Being Partners Not Parents

A marriage with two parents disciplining each other will never last, but a marriage of two partners helping each other become disciplined will last for time and all eternity...

The real trick to a marriage is learning how to change how we fight. Most of us never get past the idea that marriage is hard work. And once we do get married and the honeymoon finally winds down and we have our first "discussion" suddenly we think not only is it hard work, but it hurts as well. Our interpretation of this is that we are now at war. Now this is not an all out war, but a subtle war which is even worse, because we know we have to live with the enemy. We begin to make truces, but we are constantly checking to make sure that the truce is still being honored. Every time the truce is broken we feel picked on and we naturally seek out the weaknesses of our opponents defense system. Instead of til death do us part, we are in an MMM cage fight to the death. Okay a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea. Suddenly we start seeing our spouse as our parent and we start feeling like a teenager, or even worse we feel like the parent and we see our spouse as the teenager. This marriage is headed over a cliff.

Marriage is a battle, and there is a very real war being fought. However, once we begin to realize that we are on the same team, and that we are partners in this battle, tied to each others success, then and only then will we truly be capable of becoming a real married couple. Until then we are merely two people contracted to each other. Once we are on the same page nothing can beat us. Together we become synergistic making us more than twice as powerful together than we ever could be individually. This does not mean that we no longer have problems. The point of getting on the same team is not that we are guaranteed no opposition, but that we can have confidence that we have a partner as we face that opposition. Sometimes it will be your weaknesses, sometimes it will be your spouses weaknesses that need to be addressed. 

Once you are on the same team you can stop taking offense when your spouse offers you help in seeing a change that you may need to make, and you can be assured that they are there to help you overcome. Once you are on the same team you will not allow yourself to react emotionally when your spouse shows their weaknesses and shortcomings. We will not belittle our spouse for being weak, but we will help them find the help they need and support them in their battle. This kind of marriage doesn't mean that both parties are 100% all of the time. It means that when one is not doing well the other picks up the slack and both communicate their needs. This kind of team is in the zone. That kind of marriage can not be conquered no matter how big the obstacles so long as it remains a two person team.

The Trojan Horse of Addiction

Some people enjoy their addictions. They see the bars as keeping unwanted people out and all they have to do is take a sip, a hit, or a peek and they leave this cruel world behind and enter their own safe haven filled with comfort and peace. It isn't until they want to bring someone into their world and they can't that they realize the bars are not a safe haven, but a prison. It isn't until then that what they saw as a freedom becomes shackles, and what was once a dream becomes a nightmare. What they thought was peace was a Trojan horse.

The argument that you if you don't use your agency you will loose it is only one of the Adversaries biggest half truths. If you don't use your agency correctly then you will lose your freedom is the whole truth. God gives us rules not to confine us, but to keep us free. Not to imprison us, but to help us soar.

Ron Paul, Why Do I Feel So Uneasy About Him?

I write this more as an exercise in trying to put a finger on what it is that makes me feel so uneasy about Ron Paul, or Ron Paul supporters. Ron Paul has been a figure in American Politics for quite some time. He has become the voice of libertarians. I like a lot of what I hear and in fact the more I listen the more I like, but for some reason I feel something very unsettling when people start talking about him, not those who are detractors, but those who support him.

A few years ago I was elected to be our precinct chair at our neighborhood republican caucus, not a hard fete as I was only one of three that showed up that year. I was willing to hold the caucus at my house no one else wanted the job, and it had to be filled so I took it. In fulfilling my duties I attended the organizing committee meetings. At these meetings there was a group that I observed on the fringes of our party. I liked what they had to say, but it didn't take long before I was unimpressed with their delivery. They objected to sometimes the most meaningless things and almost took meetings hostage by manipulating the rules.

Some how these folks got elected to the county leadership it didn't take long before morale was tanked and arguing and bickering started among our leadership. It was a shame. They darn near destroyed the party.

I was reelected to precinct chair by default because no one showed up the next go around. However, I resigned my position rather than deal with this group. It felt like we were going to a circus every time we had a meeting. I was not there when some of them were kicked out of the party. From that time I realized that just because a group espouses the principles of liberty did not mean they knew how to administer them, and in some cases they may become the very people they preached against. You can no more force liberty on a people than you force them to be righteous.

Since then I have become very familiar with the phrase "by their fruits ye shall know them." The fruits that these folks had before they took power was anger, frustration, bitterness, and aggression. They took office their fruits never changed. It wasn't that the principles that they espoused were bad principles it was that they did not understand how to administer those changes without dictating them. They had no understanding of how to administer agency nor freedom. They became worse than those who they thought were wrong.

I have learned that if I agree with someone 100% that does not mean that they are going to be my savior by getting into office. Sometimes it is better to be a voice in the wilderness crying repentance. Sometimes it is not our calling to lead from the front. Sometimes the best thing we can do is support a good man and gain his ear.

What makes makes me nervous about Ron Paul is not so much a Messiah complex from himself such that we seem to see in the White House today, but a Messiah complex among his followers. When listening to the talk shows if a host ever spoke even the least bit negative toward Ron Paul or even one of his teachings they have been pounced upon by Ron Paul supporters, some talk show hosts have even been receiving death threats. These things have all made me feel very leery of Ron Paul.

To me it would be very easy to believe all that Ron Paul has to say, I have in fact changed several of my views after thinking about what he preaches, but it has not changed the fact that I feel very uncomfortable among his followers as a whole. Individually I like many of his followers, but as a whole I just do not feel comfortable at all. They may be my friends, and I will talk to them and agree with almost everything they say, but I can not vote with them, not until I feel they understand what agency really means, and they know the difference between Anarchy and Liberty. When they can convince me, as a group, that they can accept that others believe differently and it is okay that they do, then I might find myself a little more comfortable voting for Ron Paul. As it is I am comfortable with Ron Paul being Paul Revere riding through the country and warning the people, and preparing us to get ready to be worthy of liberty.

Just A Note To Say Thank You

I realize that my voice is a small voice, but I am grateful that I have a voice. I am grateful for those of you who have visited my humble abode in cyberspace. I do hope you find it useful in one way or another. Whether it be for entertainment, motivation, inspiration, understanding, and even occasionally information. I am grateful that I can share the thoughts that cross my mind. I realize that they may not be unique in principle, but they are uniquely me.
I feel that I am a pretty simple person. I live, I breath, I eat, I sleep, I love my family, and I want more for them, but I find myself mentally stuck in a rut when it comes to money. I don't like debt and try to avoid it at all cost, but manage to be found by it every so often. I know God lives and that we are his children. I don't understand why some of us are born free while others are in bondage, but I know that God loves all of us and is saddened by the way we treat each other. I also know that he values our agency enough that he allows bad things to happen so that we can learn from our mistakes as individuals, as a family, as a community, as a nation, and as a world. What we do with our agency will determine our eternal fate...
Anyways, I just wanted to Say hello to those of you around the world who stop by my little piece of cyberspace. Feel free to look me up on facebook if you like what you have read hear you may like what I do on facebook. Enjoy! 

The President Has A Challenger

Last night was the first Presidential debate of the 2012 Election. I was unable to watch the debate, but I did listen to it the best I could while I was sitting in with the scouts at my church. I had a hard time listening, but what I did hear sounded like Romney was handling himself very well, while President Obama was struggling. I could hardly believe what I was hearing. I wished I could have seen it, because body language says so much more about the conviction one has for their message. However, after seeing the clips and hearing even the liberal pundits I think it is safe to say that The President was handed a sound thumping at the hands of his opponent Mr. Romney. 

 After thinking about it I realized that our President is the victim of his own welfare state that he created for himself. What I mean is that he has protected himself by using the media to save him from the tough situations, the tough questions, from criticism and the scrutiny that others who have held the office of president or have run for the office of president, have had to face. Our president has been suffering the effects of reverse discrimination, which in my eyes, is worse than the effects of discrimination. Not that either is good, but reverse discrimination gives its victims a false sense of confidence among so called friends. Reverse discrimination is when those who can't really stand you don't want to look like they can't stand you so they are extra nice to you, all the while looking for ways to use you and abuse you all in the name of looking out for you. 

For the past 5 years or so, President Obama has been given the soft ball approach by the media. The media has played underhand pitch, giving him every chance to hit the ball out of the park. If you are a friend this is not a bad idea in the beginning to give him a little confidence, but eventually you have to get to where you can throw him the fast ball, the curve ball, or the knuckle ball so that he has the chance of learning to play with the big boys. Instead the media has let him think that he can do no wrong, that he can talk his way out of any situation. The confidence that his so called friends gave him, made him weak. Now, I understand this is the first debate, but he only has three and if last night was any indication as to what we might see in the future debates he might as well call in sick, at least then he wont be able to say things that might be held against him. 

Romney on the other hand has been given no softballs from the left or the right. He has fought through two presidential primaries and has not apologized for who he is. He has not acted the part of the victim nor has he asked for any special favors. He has been painted as some kind of capitalist monster, a snob, not a real person, a liar, dishonest, and much worse by the media and by the elite of both parties. Evidence shows different. I have come to know that time is the friend of a man of virtues and an enemy to the man who lacks virtue. 

The media can say all they want, plan and scheme, and hide things both positive and negative, but when you put two men side by side on live T.V. they can not hide the contrast. They may edit and clip and make things look as though it wasn't really so, but those who saw it will know what really happened. And those who saw it will be forced to acknowledge that the media is not interested in converting the informed, but controlling the uninformed and ignorant.

The President, looked like he was bewildered by the hostile, or not so hostile but nice but hard hitting challenger, Governor Romney. Our President looked like a lion with is mane shaved. He looked like he was asking for a hand out... out of the arena that is. 

Put the Power Of God In Your Marriage

Getting married is like buying a new vehicle. The first little while you are figuring out all the funky gidgets and gadgets that you didn't realize came with the package. Once the newness wears off you start looking at the gas mileage. You take a few trips and then you add memories and the gas mileage doesn't matter. Then come the repairs and maintenance and you start saying,"Hey, I didn't know this came with the car!" Finally, once you find the right mechanic you realize this car could last forever...And your happy.

Marriage is not easy in any case, but when you bring into the marriage the desire to understand and the willingness to forgive you will have brought the power of God into your marriage. And when both of you bring that power into the marriage you can face any battle no matter how big it may be. Without that power little things can become big things and big things can get too big.


None of us enters into a marriage knowing everything about the person we are marrying. As the package is unwrapped we may find a few things that are less than flattering. In fact, we may find some things that we find down right disgusting to us. If you are married to a good person who is trying to be better, then you can work things out. It is those who feel no remorse for carrying undesirable baggage into the marriage that cause the foundation of a marriage to become unstable.


I don't blame others for giving up the battle, especially when addiction is involved. It is not an easy choice to continue standing beside someone who is caught in the web of addiction. But those who choose to fight the battle together and are successful will know no greater bond and will know no greater love, because when you go through the refiners fire together you will become one. Some manage to get there easier than others, but eventually we all have to become one or we will remain single forever, even though we are married. Sad but true, their are many a marriages stuck in the fire.

However, there is always hope once you find the right mechanic who can help restore the power of God back into the relationship. And with that hope the foundation of a kingdom can be built.

The Temple: Sacred vs. Secret

This morning I was listening to a talk show on the radio when one of the greatest explanations of sacred vs. secret was explained. Glenn Beck put it this way, "When I was a kid I didn't ask what mom and dad were doing in their bedroom." Meaning that somethings we don't talk about because they are sacred not secret. There is a time and a place to discuss somethings that would be inappropriate otherwise.

The temple is not a house of secrets, we do not perform secret rituals there. We, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, perform sacred sacraments within the temple. Their is nothing magical, sexual, or anything alarming that happens within the walls of these sacred buildings, but the sacraments that do take place are sacred and we covenant with God to hold them sacred, just like we should keep certain aspects of our relationships between husband and wife sacred.


We believe in the principle of learning line upon line and precept upon precept and the temple provides us with an atmosphere where we can do this. It is very peaceful and calm inside and there is a very definite feeling of reverence...kind of like the feeling you get when you are out in nature witnessing a sunrise. Everyone is dressed in white and you can't tell if you are sitting next to a millionaire or a convenience store clerk, republican or a democrat, a scholar or a high school drop out, and it doesn't matter we are all there to learn the same things.

Not even every member is allowed in the temple. Before we go for the first time we take a temple preparation class. We also have to go through an interview process to declare our worthiness to enter into the House of the Lord. Once we have gone through this interview process and are found worthy, we then are given a recommend to go to the temple. We go through this process every 2 years.

There are somethings that we just don't talk about, not because they are a secret, but because they are sacred, deeply spiritual. Anyone can go into the temple so long as they fulfill the requirements. No secret to it.

Tear Down Your Walls

The walls we put up to protect us from being hurt, and from hurting others, also keeps love out. We have to tear down our walls and risk hurting and being hurt in order to love and be loved.

Truth is, the more we expose our self to the risk of pain the greater our ability to love, and the greater our ability to love, the less pain has the ability to stop us from loving.

Emotional intelligence is not giving your trust to everyone, nor is it giving it to no one. Emotional intelligence is knowing who to let into your inner circle of trust and who to keep out of your inner circle of trust. It is knowing that somethings are worth the risk and other things are not worth the risk. 

President Ronald Reagan once stood before a wall and said these words, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" The results were historical. And if you decide to accept the challenge yourself the results might just be as historical in your personal life. 

You Just Gotta Smile...

Pick Up Your Pity Party Favors

Sometimes we get so caught up in the consequences of our mistakes that we get stuck in our own little pity party. A pity party that only leads us down a path of self destruction. There is a process that we all go through when we have made a mistake. It is as natural as mistakes come to most of us. It is the grief process. You will go through denial, guilt, anger, depression, and reflection before you finally start to turn things around. Once you allow yourself to pass through these stages then you can start to heal and your mind will begin to help you pick up the pieces and accept your new reality. Don't allow yourself to get stuck in guilt, anger or depression.

Learn to forgive quickly or you may find yourself becoming a bitter, angry person, which is much different that being a person who is temporarily angry. A bitter angry person is one who has gotten stuck in the grief process and refuses to forgive. Forgiveness is work. It requires you submit to the realization that you have no power to save yourself from your mistakes, and there is only one who can bring you relief from your pain.

There is nothing so peaceful as to know that you are forgiven and that you have the power to forgive. There is nothing so beautiful as one who has been made clean through the power of the atonement. Life was never meant to be perfect. Sometimes our imperfections are our own, and sometimes our imperfect life comes because of others, but in the end much of the pain we feel today will mean nothing to us when we pass from this life to the next. Much of the sorrow and hurt that we found inflicted upon us will have no significant lasting effects upon us in the eternities.

A tree falls, a flower blooms, and tomorrow the sun will rise again.

So, stop getting depressed over your mistakes in life. You've had plenty of time to have your pity party. Now pick up your party favors, sober up and make a game plan on how you can show your gratitude for the atonement.

You Are Not The Exception

When we are obedient the reasons for rules and guidelines are obvious and you can see that they are given to keep us safe. However, when we are disobedient we tend to think we are the exception to the rule, that we can go against the guidelines and rules and we will be just fine. I am the first to admit that I have not been one to fall in love with guidelines and rules. I have fought them and in some cases I have ignored them. Sad thing is I understand why we have them, but my natural man is sometimes thinks I can out smart the wisdom of experience.

When we are given guidelines to protect us not only from without, but also from within. Being disobedient to wise counsel is like taking off your armor in the middle of battle. Not only are you putting yourself at risk trying to look like the hero, but you are also putting your buddies at risk. In a moment of arrogance rather than being a help, you become a great burden upon those around you who are trying to protect you. That arrogance is not the spirit of freedom, but the spirit of rebellion. And in the end when the battle is over the power that we thought we had in our arrogant state will end up in a heap on the ground with our soul.

Show me someone who is the exception in excellence and I will show you someone who is exceptionally obedient... The desire to be excellent is a powerful motivator to discover and obey the laws that others do not know yet.

Sacrifice Brings Forth Blessings of Happiness

 Recently I read a blog post by a gentleman who is homosexual, but chose to marry his best friend who happens to be a girl. http://www.joshweed.com/2012/06/club-unicorn-in-which-i-come-out-of.html  Both were aware of his sexual orientation, but both were desirous to have what the other offered in a companion. Both sacrificed some pretty big emotional desires in order to have what they truly wanted. She had to sacrifice the hope of having a husband that desired her physically. He had to give up his desire to have a companion that he was sexually attracted to. They had to decide together that what they really wanted was a friend, a confidant, and a loving spouse who would be a good parent to their children. They found that though they sacrificed their own personal sexual identities they discovered their own physical attraction in their intellectual, emotional, and spiritual attraction.


 I found this quite profound, in that how many of us marry because we are physically attracted but as the years go by we lose anything that could possibly be confused with physical attraction? Yet we still find our spouse attractive, even more attractive, because we have gotten to know them more and we have appreciated what they have brought into the relationship. Our ability to truly love someone didn't come until we learned to sacrifice what we thought we wanted for what would truly make us happy. In other words, What this man and his wife did, was actually go through the trial of their love before they even got married, they both made the greatest gesture of love that they could have possibly given at that point. They literally laid their hearts on the alter and gave it to each other not knowing whether their sacrifice would be accepted, but knowing that they were willing to do all that they could to fulfill their covenant to love God, each other, and bring children into this world so that they could be obedient to the commandments of God.

The scriptures tell us that the natural man is an enemy to God. Each of us has desires that make up our identity. Sexual orientation is only one of those identities. And because of our society it is a huge part of our identity. I personally do not understand homosexuality, it is not a desire that I have had to sacrifice, but I do have other desires that I have to prioritize in order to reconcile with the Laws of Happiness.

I do not believe that our happiness is contingent upon our sexual orientation, but upon our desire to follow God's laws despite our sexual desires. That is the same whether we are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or any other kind of sexual. If that were not so then why would any line be drawn on sexuality at all? And in each of our minds there is a limit to what we would definitely consider acceptable sexual behavior, we might vary in what we call acceptable behavior, but each of us has a limit.

We as a people have been spoon fed that we are God, that we are the ones who determine what is right and what is wrong, what is righteous or unrighteous. This is wrong! God determines what is righteous or unrighteous, what behavior is worthy or unworthy. It is not our job to judge God only to seek understanding according to the level of happiness we desire. If we desire a greater happiness then we will be forced to seek a greater level of obedience to the Plan of Happiness.

I believe that God has established his kingdom here on earth. Through his prophets he has given us guidance and counsel to lead us to be happy. I do not believe that these men have a right to alter the counsels of God, to bow to the whims of society, or to change according to the carnal nature of man. I find that their counsel, quite often, reminds me that I have to change my own nature because of my unrighteous desires.

Each of us have to determine how we will deal with our own unrighteous, or unworthy desires. Mr. Weed chose one option to deal with his. There may not be a lot of options for us to pick from, but when our desire is to please God and serve him, then doing what God has commanded will always bring us a greater measure of happiness than doing what we desire contrary to his commands.

Agency is no small matter. I do believe we fought for our agency before we came to this mortal existence, and I believe we continue to fight for it here. Not everyone of us has a desire to live in the presence of God again. Not all of us would be happy there. So, to force people to live the Plan of Happiness would be contrary to the Law of Happiness itself.

God has revealed that the shedding of blood is no longer required of us to symbolize the atonement, but we are still required to sacrifice our own desires. Maybe that is what you could call a broken heart and a contrite spirit. The ultimate expression of love toward our Savior would be to sacrifice our own desires on the alter and seek to serve our Savior.

Yellowstone 2012

Pooles, Recksieks, and the Milligans May 2012

Over Memorial Day weekend we took a trip with our good friends the Recksiek family and the Poole family. Good times indeed.

We left Saturday morning, surprisingly we left within 10 minutes of our goal time of 8:30. We had just bought our "new to us" mini van, dubbed Big Blue. I think we will change that name to Wild Blue Yonder. Anyways besides a stop for a potty break we made sure that our schedule afforded an opportunity to get some pictures of the Rexburg, ID Temple.
I was worried that the rain might make it a bad day for pictures, but it turned out to be a great day to take pictures. Not such a great day for mud, but a great day for pictures. The clouds just made the pictures that much more interesting. So, after tromping out in the muddy field to get pictures of the front of the Temple, Matt and I walked around the back side of the Temple for some more pictures. Matt, was my faithful assistant carrying my case for me and wearing my hat. ;)
After our stop at the Temple we ate lunch at the Jack in the Box and did a little shopping...Thinking next time we better do a little more shopping in Rexburg, because prices in West Yellowstone were crazy high.

The rain started to come down hard as we were getting ready to leave Rexburg and we thought we might not be able to get to Mesa Falls because of the weather, but the skies opened up just enough to give us some hope of seeing the falls before it started raining again. I think we were all glad we did, because the falls were absolutely beautiful. On our way down to the upper falls we got pounded with hail stones about the size of a pea, but we would not be denied as we found refuge with several others under the awning in front of the bathrooms. The rain I think added to the beauty of the greenery around us. The visitors center was pretty awesome as well. DeeAnn stacked up on pamphlets and we got to see pelts from several animals that could be found in the area.
We weren't there terribly long as we really wanted to get to our Condo and get settled in.
When we got to West Yellowstone we unpacked and when decided to eat out. We decided to take the gang out to Buckaroo Bills. It was really fun, kind of darker than I usually like, but the booths were set up like a covered wagon. In the  middle of the room was a floor display with a small bison and a coyote with a campfire dividing them. Kind of a cool western ambiance. Dinner was good, but probably a bit rowdy for those who were not with our party...come to think of it it might have been a little rowdy for our party as well.
After a day of driving we were all tired and decided to turn in somewhat early.
Sunday morning, following breakfast, it was time for church. We thought it rather interesting that we had to step over a pile of feathers to get into the church... the stark reality of just how dangerous it is in West Yellowstone. (spoken tongue in cheek...kinda ;) ) We could tell that the ward was much larger than normal and it was expected as they must be used to the influx of visitors over the memorial day weekend. The boys thought that it was really cool to see the staff from Buckaroo Bills were all in attendance.

Following the sacrament portion of our meetings we decided not to subject the primary workers to our overly excitable children and we would start our adventures into the park.

The weather was cool and intermittent showers would roll over us often. It didn't take long before we began to see Bison, we apparently we got broken in slowly, because despite the fact that the bison think they own the place, our first view of them was out in a field at a little bit of a distance. Believe me, later they let us know exactly who was boss later on when they decided exactly where they wanted to go. They may have looked docile, but you could tell they were some mighty powerful creatures.

We first took a trip up a road to see the fire box falls. The boys had a blast watching the chipmunk that was playing just bellow them in the rocks. There wasn't much room for parking on this road, but next to the falls there a small parking lot for maybe 6 or 7 vehicles, as I remember. So, after taking a few pictures we decided to keep moving forward on our day. There was lots to see and little time to see it in.

Our next stop was at the Fountain Paint Pot trail. When we got there is was a bit cool, but not too bad. No need for a coat although some of us did bring a jacket. I did not. However, when we got half way around the wind picked up and the temperatures dropped rapidly, then came the snow... It gave me a little scare just because it got so cold so fast. The hail and sleet came so hard at one point that we couldn't see in front of us well enough to finish the circle around the board walk. We actually had to turn around and go back the way we came. We ran back to the cars and got them warmed up before we headed for Old Faithful where we ate lunch and enjoyed the nicer temperatures again. It certainly was frightening just how quickly the temperatures could fluctuate.

Fountain Paint Pots from the backsi

bacterial mats at Fountain Paint Pots

Growing up I was always taught Red is symbolic of heat, while blue is symbolic of cooler temperatures. Well, that can get you in big trouble when it comes to thermal pools. You see the color of the water is determined by what kind of bacteria can live in the water. Red indicates lower temps and more bacteria can live in it. While blue means less bacteria because the temperatures are too hot. If it is clear then nothing can live in the water. I found this interesting.

After warming up we headed to the Old Faithful Lodge where we ate lunch then gathered around Old Faithful and watched her blow. Old Faithful was awesome. Even though from a photography point of view the cloud cover made the contrast a little less than optimal. Nevertheless, it was still an incredible sight. Following the first eruption we went into the visitors center and enjoyed the rangers presentations. It was interesting to find out that Rangers used to be military and that it was the protection of Bison that brought attention to the region.
Following the visitors center the Pooles decided to head back to the condo for some rest. That is another story in and of itself, as we ended up beating them back to the condo. We, on the other hand, wanted to hike around the geyser field. So, we gathered up the kiddos and went for one more viewing of Old Faithful from a different angle then a walk around geyser fields. By that time we were ready to head towards West Yellowstone and back to the condo for dinner. However, we did make one more stop so that Joe could see what mischief he could get himself into. ;)

Where the heck did Sam go??? 

On our way back to the condo we received word that the Pooles had taken an unexpected scenic route back to the condo and ended up behind us. So seeing they had the key to the condo we did a little exploring down a couple of roads just down the street from our temporary abode. We went until DeeAnn said we could go no more. I was a little disappointed, but after our four wheeling experience in Capitol Reef National Park, I was a little less adventuresome.

Monday was the day of the Bison blocks and Bears.

After finishing up our breakfast we headed off. Shortly after entering the park we ran into a line of cars. There in the road ahead of them was a herd of bison.This was our first Bison road block. The bison went where they wanted to go and at the pace they wanted to go.  We were kinda thinking that the Recksieks were hogging all the excitement because, every time the bison would get close they would cut right in front of them. They would walk by us occasionally, but would never cross in front of us. We were kinda sad, but we got close enough for comfort... Anyways, this was the first of many bison blocks throughout the day.


After making it through these bad boys, we set course for Gibbons Falls, which was just off the main road heading in the general direction of Mammoth Hot Springs. Which was one of the main destinations we wanted to hit before the day was over. The boys had lots of fun throwing rocks trying to hit the river. Joe, I think, was the only one of the boys that actually came close, but Sam gave him a run for his money....

  

Nice save!

Don't even think it!

Following Gibbons Falls, we stopped in at the Artists Paint Pots. These pools were beautiful and the hike was not a terribly long one, the stairs gave us a challenge with the stroller, but nothing that couldn't be overcome with a little help from some friends. :) With the rain snow we had received, there was a couple of puddles in the walk way before we reached the thermal features. As boys will be boys, Hyrum thought it might be fun to attempt a jump over a puddle. Had it been one of my sons, I do believe they and everyone around them would have been wet. But to Hyrum's credit, as well as to Joe and Amy's teaching of their children, when Joe said don't... I am not sure exactly how Hyrum caught himself, as he was all but off the ground when Joe gave the command, but he did.

It was just off the Norris Canyon Rd that we planned on eating lunch and talking about our next move. However, on our way to the picnic area, we were side tracked by several cars pulled over to the side of the road and taking pictures of something. In Yellowstone this means the possibility of something exciting. Joe and I decided to exit the vehicles and investigate. After asking a couple of people we found out it was a bear. We saw its backside as it was crossing through the trees over a small hill. So we ran down the road to where we could peek around the other side of the hill. Sure enough it was there and it was a grizzly. What a thrill that was. We kept our distance but tried to catch a good picture of it as it wondered over top the hill that led back to a large clearing and a river. It did not seem to excited, but was not eager to cause anyone any harm either. I think by the time it got close to the road it was a little agitated, but just wanted to get where it wanted to go. Before all was said and done the bear came about 15 feet from our van. I was grateful to be inside the van at that point.


After all that excitement, we decided that where we were going to eat lunch was not such a good idea with the bear headed in that general direction so we headed back to Steam Boat Geyser in hopes of seeing it blow. I might interject here that Spencer was not going to let us get away without stopping by Steam Boat, because he heard that it was the grand daddy of all geysers. When it does go off in full glory it can reach as high as 350 feet. It has been a few years since it has erupted and we were within the right time frame to see it possibly go off, give or take a few years. We took a short hike through the area after lunch and after the rain had cleared up. We could have spent a day hiking that whole area and probably still would not have seen everything.
  
However, we wanted to go to a couple of other areas before the day was over. So, we headed to Mammoth Hot Springs, which is where we saw some of the most beautiful formations and pools. Joe told us that they change every year depending on the amount of rain fall etc... it also happened to be the place where we had little incident with a tour guide/ranger dude, but we wont remind Joe of that ;).

After Mammoth we decided to head over to the original entrance to the park. Just outside of Mammoth we noticed a cow elk standing above the road and people were out of their cars taking pictures bellow it. Not of the cow, but of a bear that had just taken down her calf. Nature is harsh, but it gave us an opportunity to talk to our children about the value of life and the place of death in the circle of life. It was thrilling to see nature at work, but it was sad as well, because you could see the distress of the cow elk. Nature is not void of emotions, and it was obvious as we saw this mother in mourning, but because she mourned the bear will live and the circle of life is complete for this young elk.

The old entrance was cool, but not something to spend a lot of time at. Although several people were taking pictures of something out in a field. We couldn't see what it was it looked like maybe some birds or something we drove back into the park and saw a small scrappy looking antelope, but for some reason I think we may have missed a photo op. I am still scratching my head as to what they possibly could have been taking pictures of. Some people really get into little birds, I guess.


We wanted to head back over to the Towers. The pass is kind of hit and miss in the spring, but we wanted to try. We made it back to Mammoth okay, but just outside of town we pulled in behind the buffalo block from Hades. They led us what seemed about 2 miles crossing a bridge and then finally slipping off to the side of the road when they had to go around some vehicles coming the other direction. After getting out from behind the blockade we decided that our delay took the Towers off our list of possibilities. So we decided to take a short hike just off the road to see Wraith Falls before heading back for the night. On the way back we saw a beautiful bull elk from in the distance just up from the vehicles. We actually made another brief stop for another fall just a little way back down the road, before calling it a long day.

The sun was going down when we turned down the West Yellowstone Entrance Road. We hadn't gone far when Joe and Amy pulled to the side of the road along with couple of other vehicles. It was an obvious sighting of something and we were not going to miss this. Yep, it was another black bear just wandering through a pile of fallen trees looking for food. This was probably the prettiest bear we saw on the whole trip.

Our final day we got up, ate breakfast, packed up and said good-bye to the Poole's. They decided that they wanted to go to Bear Country just outside of Rexburg. We were a little short on funds and the fact that we had seen so many bears in the wild, we thought that it would be like stopping by the store to buy a fish. If we had been skunked it still wouldn't have tasted as good ;). Anyways, we decided we wanted to enjoy one more hoorah, in the Park. So, off we went...
  

We didn't have a real lot of time, but Joe and Amy suggested the Canyons, which happens to be the area of the park that gives Yellowstone its name due to the coloring of the rock formations that have been exposed by the river as it carved its way through the area. On our way we were greeted by a nice bull elk in his velvet. The animals were shedding their winter coats so they looked somewhat scruffy, but where their coats  had shed revealed a beautiful summer coat.


Our first priority was to get a photo op with the Yellowstone water falls in the background. It is truly one crown jewel of the park.

It is amazing to think how much water flows over these falls...Absolutely beautiful.

  

Most our time was spent around the Canyon rim, on the last day. After the photo op we drove to an overlook where we could look down on the upper portion of the falls. There was a playground for the kids and Joe found a trail which lead down about 3/4 of the way to the bottom of the canyon on a series of staircases which ended on a platform almost across from the lower falls. This little jaunt required descending some 300 plus stairs, which meant ascending some 300 plus stairs. By the time we had completed the staircases our legs were feeling it. Not to mention the nerves as several of us were dealing with varying degrees of phobia concerning heights. But it was absolutely worth it. It was an incredible hike. Highly recommend the hike, unless you have heart problems. ;)

  
A quick trip to the other side of the canyon for lunch and a view of the falls from the top, a stop at the souvenir shop and we were on our way home. But, just before we left the park, once again on the West Yellowstone Entrance road we saw a couple of cars pulled over and Amy and Joe were in the perfect spot to get a picture of a black bear right off the road. We couldn't get a shot from behind them so we thought we would slowly drive around the vehicles and try to get a picture, just as the bear was about to turn towards us, some party pooping driver in an RV honked his horn behind us and the bear shot out of their leaving us with no more than a picture of his southern exposure. We were kinda bummed, pun intended, but it was still a great way for the park to say, come again. We were sad to leave so quickly, but looking forward to our next trip to Yellowstone. So much to see so little time to do it in, but well worth the effort to get as much in as you can.