A couple of weeks ago I wrote about an idea that we had for disciplining our boys. Every child reacts different to anything we are going to try, and it shows in our two boys. One has taken quite well to the program and is going to finish up in well under the 30 days. My other boy is really facing some huge internal struggles, but he also is making huge strides despite losing several days. The talks that we have been able to have with both boys has been amazing and in many ways life changing for us and I believe for them.
The frustration level I had gotten to was beyond healthy. I imagine that my blood pressure was well above anything the doctor would approve of, and I was not happy. I felt like I was constantly raising my voice and in a constant state of disciplining. It made me sick.
Our boys are not bad boys, they just have developed bad habits and were stubbornly clinging to some ideas that where not going to bring them happiness in the short run or the long run. Both have anger issues that manifest themselves in different ways. Despite the troubles we have with them, all in all they are great kids.
So, it frustrates us more that we haven't been able to get them to catch on to the idea that work is good for them, and that it is important to both work and play, that work can be fun in its own way.
Another problem we have with one of my boys is being honest. We have struggled to get him to understand that just because he tells the truth sometimes, does not mean that we are going to believe him that time, or any time until he starts telling the truth consistently. We want our boys to contribute to society, and we would rather them be good citizens than our friends, although ideally we don't see why we shouldn't be able to do both.
So, now we are almost three weeks into the experiment and we are about to declare this experiment a success because of the attitude that has been in our home almost immediately.
The key to our success, I believe, has been the fact that we entered into the experiment not with an attitude that we wanted them to fail, but we wanted them to change their attitude. With that in mind we have become their biggest cheerleaders and have been a lot more lenient with them as long as their attitudes are changing. Once one of them hit the half way mark we told them that we were going to make it just a little harder to earn a 2 day prize, but that doesn't seem to have really discouraged them too much, they haven't really put forth the effort to earn the 2 days, but their attitude is still much better.
Along the way we have had several opportunities to talk to the boys and teach them some things that we have been trying to teach them for years. They are starting to understand that we are not their enemies, and that we want them to understand us, which has been half the battle. We found out in our conversations that our oldest thought that we were just speaking gibberish when we started telling him to be aware of his surroundings, not that he ever asked us to explain it. However, now he thinks that he understands what we are talking about and his actions are starting to show that he just might. Another conversation was about living by principles and how to apply one lesson to several situations. These concepts are slowly sinking in one conversation at a time.
Some of our greatest conversations have come as they were in the process of losing a day. It is then that we have been able to talk to them and discuss why they were losing a day. They seem to pay a little closer attention to what they can do to change their behavior.
This experiment has been no less a miracle than the parting of the Red Sea, or maybe more appropriate Christ calming the storm, as the storm clouds in my own head and heart have been calmed.
The frustration level I had gotten to was beyond healthy. I imagine that my blood pressure was well above anything the doctor would approve of, and I was not happy. I felt like I was constantly raising my voice and in a constant state of disciplining. It made me sick.
Our boys are not bad boys, they just have developed bad habits and were stubbornly clinging to some ideas that where not going to bring them happiness in the short run or the long run. Both have anger issues that manifest themselves in different ways. Despite the troubles we have with them, all in all they are great kids.
Another problem we have with one of my boys is being honest. We have struggled to get him to understand that just because he tells the truth sometimes, does not mean that we are going to believe him that time, or any time until he starts telling the truth consistently. We want our boys to contribute to society, and we would rather them be good citizens than our friends, although ideally we don't see why we shouldn't be able to do both.
So, now we are almost three weeks into the experiment and we are about to declare this experiment a success because of the attitude that has been in our home almost immediately.
The key to our success, I believe, has been the fact that we entered into the experiment not with an attitude that we wanted them to fail, but we wanted them to change their attitude. With that in mind we have become their biggest cheerleaders and have been a lot more lenient with them as long as their attitudes are changing. Once one of them hit the half way mark we told them that we were going to make it just a little harder to earn a 2 day prize, but that doesn't seem to have really discouraged them too much, they haven't really put forth the effort to earn the 2 days, but their attitude is still much better.
Along the way we have had several opportunities to talk to the boys and teach them some things that we have been trying to teach them for years. They are starting to understand that we are not their enemies, and that we want them to understand us, which has been half the battle. We found out in our conversations that our oldest thought that we were just speaking gibberish when we started telling him to be aware of his surroundings, not that he ever asked us to explain it. However, now he thinks that he understands what we are talking about and his actions are starting to show that he just might. Another conversation was about living by principles and how to apply one lesson to several situations. These concepts are slowly sinking in one conversation at a time.Some of our greatest conversations have come as they were in the process of losing a day. It is then that we have been able to talk to them and discuss why they were losing a day. They seem to pay a little closer attention to what they can do to change their behavior.
This experiment has been no less a miracle than the parting of the Red Sea, or maybe more appropriate Christ calming the storm, as the storm clouds in my own head and heart have been calmed.
No comments:
Post a Comment