A marriage with two parents disciplining each other will never last, but a marriage of two partners helping each other become disciplined will last for time and all eternity...
The real trick to a marriage is learning how to change how we fight. Most of us never get past the idea that marriage is hard work. And once we do get married and the honeymoon finally winds down and we have our first "discussion" suddenly we think not only is it hard work, but it hurts as well. Our interpretation of this is that we are now at war. Now this is not an all out war, but a subtle war which is even worse, because we know we have to live with the enemy. We begin to make truces, but we are constantly checking to make sure that the truce is still being honored. Every time the truce is broken we feel picked on and we naturally seek out the weaknesses of our opponents defense system. Instead of til death do us part, we are in an MMM cage fight to the death. Okay a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea. Suddenly we start seeing our spouse as our parent and we start feeling like a teenager, or even worse we feel like the parent and we see our spouse as the teenager. This marriage is headed over a cliff.
Marriage is a battle, and there is a very real war being fought. However, once we begin to realize that we are on the same team, and that we are partners in this battle, tied to each others success, then and only then will we truly be capable of becoming a real married couple. Until then we are merely two people contracted to each other. Once we are on the same page nothing can beat us. Together we become synergistic making us more than twice as powerful together than we ever could be individually. This does not mean that we no longer have problems. The point of getting on the same team is not that we are guaranteed no opposition, but that we can have confidence that we have a partner as we face that opposition. Sometimes it will be your weaknesses, sometimes it will be your spouses weaknesses that need to be addressed.
Once you are on the same team you can stop taking offense when your spouse offers you help in seeing a change that you may need to make, and you can be assured that they are there to help you overcome. Once you are on the same team you will not allow yourself to react emotionally when your spouse shows their weaknesses and shortcomings. We will not belittle our spouse for being weak, but we will help them find the help they need and support them in their battle. This kind of marriage doesn't mean that both parties are 100% all of the time. It means that when one is not doing well the other picks up the slack and both communicate their needs. This kind of team is in the zone. That kind of marriage can not be conquered no matter how big the obstacles so long as it remains a two person team.
The real trick to a marriage is learning how to change how we fight. Most of us never get past the idea that marriage is hard work. And once we do get married and the honeymoon finally winds down and we have our first "discussion" suddenly we think not only is it hard work, but it hurts as well. Our interpretation of this is that we are now at war. Now this is not an all out war, but a subtle war which is even worse, because we know we have to live with the enemy. We begin to make truces, but we are constantly checking to make sure that the truce is still being honored. Every time the truce is broken we feel picked on and we naturally seek out the weaknesses of our opponents defense system. Instead of til death do us part, we are in an MMM cage fight to the death. Okay a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea. Suddenly we start seeing our spouse as our parent and we start feeling like a teenager, or even worse we feel like the parent and we see our spouse as the teenager. This marriage is headed over a cliff.
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